This is the little girl I miss. The ruddy faced kiddo running barefoot in my grandpa’s backyard with her cousins. This was the happy child we were raising in that simple life. I miss her.

Over the last few weeks I have been pondering  a few hard questions.  The main one being how much longer can we last in Korea.  Makinlee is not doing well.  Several of her bad habits (nail biting & hair twirling) have started again.  She has always twirled her hair but it had stopped however it is now back in full force.  She is almost completely bald from pulling out the knots she creates.  I’ve researched this problem online and feel that the cause is anxiety and boredom.  I feel it is best to get her home around her friends and family.  Having a few expat friends and a half day at school is not enough for her.  I think she needs her grandmother, grandfather, & cousins in her life.  I too am not doing well with the seclusion of expat living.  I too need my friends and family in my life and right now all I get is phone calls.  At this point it is not enough for either of us.  HL and I have spoken about this here and there but I feel it is time to have a serious sit down and talk this thing through.  It has been said recently that HL’s position will not be needed at the end of 2008 and he will be sent back to the Gulf of Mexico.  I just wish it was sooner.  Forget the reason we came over, to save money.  So what if it may take us longer to finish our house, we just need to get home.  I have asked if it would be okay for us to go home around the end of May.  I think it will probably come to that.  HL can then use his vacation days to visit us a week here and there until he is able to come home as well.  It will not be easy but I think it is the only way at this point.

Some blog readers have asked over the last year why I do not blog a lot about Korea and expat living.  Truth be known I don’t like it much therefore I do not want to blog the negativity.  It’s enough just to try to get through each day here.   We need to be home with our family, we need the country air, the animals, the sounds of farm living.  It runs in our blood and through our hearts and our bodies are struggling to exist without it.

We simply need to go home and we will but I hope it is sooner rather than later.

So my fellow readers if you’ve wondered why I rarely speak of Korea, of expat living, of this place I call Never Land  it’s because I’m not fond of it.  I would rather be blogging about my garden, the goats, the chickens and ducks, the new farmhouse, and how it feels to have my feet planted on sacred ground.